Short Fat Girl

The transformation of a short fat girl

Daily Posts

First Day Back to the Gym

Gym Pic

Well today was my first back to the gym in several months and, It was a grueling experience. It was as if I’ve never worked out before. In less than 10 minutes, my calf muscles started going into spasms and I had to stop and stretch. I went through that routine 3 times.

After 35 minutes on the elliptical trainer, I moved on to the stationary bike where I spent 20 minutes spasm free.

When I got home, met my friend for a 1.75 mile walk with the dogs. I had to turn back because my back and legs were knotting up so bad, I thought I was going to have call Kristy to come pick me up.

Decatur Biggest Loser Contest

B4 After After

Following the suggestion of a very good friend, I have come back and started writing on my blog again. I’ve been in hiding for a while, because I’ve been too embarrassed to come out and show my face in public. Truth is, I’ve failed miserably in my weight loss journey and have reached an all time high weight of 270 pounds.

I dropped out of boot camp back in May or June due to a knew injury and haven’t been back. When I hurt my knee, it was like all the air had left my sail. I was completely deflated and just gave up all hope of ever becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be. I started self medicating with the only pain reviler I could easily get my hands on. Food. With every bite I took, the pain of my failures were numbed just enough for me not to think about them for a little while.

I’ve over medicated so much, that I can fit into any of my clothes. I went out and bought 1 pair of jeans and that’s the only pair of pants that I have that I can squeeze into. Because I work from home, it really hasn’t been a problem. I just sit around in sweats all day. So here I am bigger than I have ever been with no hope of it getting any better until now.

A couple of weeks ago, I read an article about Decatur’s Biggest Loser Contest, so I went and signed up. Trying to lose weight on my own hasn’t worked for me so I joined about 75 other people in a weight loss competition. So, hear I go again folks.

To kick of this journey, I’ve updated my site and have lots more additions I’d like to make. I invite you to follow me one more time as I restart my weight loss journey.

Wish me luck everyone.

If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock….

Annex - Berle, Milton_01“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door”. A great quote that I came across by Milton Berle and what keeps me inspired as I start the next chapter in my life.

Now, I’m not going to get into the details, but last Friday, I left my job without another to turn to. I now find myself in a place where my future is unclear. The one thing that is clear, however, is the fact that I was unhappy and my personal life was beginning to pay the price. I was stressed out all the time, and was bringing that stress home with me. My health was also suffering. I was working so many hours, I was too tired or lazy to cook, and found it was just plain easier to order out. Additionally, I was too tired or lazy to get my butt out of bed and go to boot camp in the mornings. Because of all of this, my weight was going up and down (mostly up), as well as my mood and attitude (mostly down).

As I work on the blue prints for building my new door, I am also going to take this time to work on myself by going back to boot camp and start cooking healthy meals again. Kristy and I both, are so much happier physically and mentally when we are living a healthy lifestyle and that’s what I want to get back to.

I feel certain that when the time is right, my new door will open and I will find myself where I am supposed to be.

I Made it!

January 14, 1991, a beautiful, sunny day; the same day my mother died of a heart attack and complications of diabetes. Mom was only 48 years old when I lost her – the exact age I am now.

I’ll never forget that day; I remember calling her several times at the store where she work but never being able to reach her. How in the world would I know that during the time, paramedics were on their knees at her side trying to resuscitate her on the store floor where she dropped.

On that awful day, I was 26 years old, over weight, and smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day. I never thought twice about my own health.  Of course, the older I got, the more my health became more of a concern. I quit smoking in May of 2004, but it wasn’t until I was admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure, and the cardiologist told me that I had less than 10 years to live at the rate I was going. Even though I quit smoking, I still never got control of my eating.

Because I am so much like my mother and it appeared that I was headed down the same path as her, I have been living with the constant fear of not making it past 48 like my mother never did. Her death, over 20 years later, is the main reason I started boot camp. I have been determined to live past January 14, 2013.

Now that I’ve gotten past that day, and can finally breath a sigh of relief, and focus on living each day to my fullest potential and in turn, get into the shape I need to be to reach that potential. Though I cannot control when my final day will be, I can control how I live each day I have left on this earth, and I choose to what it takes to live as healthy and long as I can.

1st & Goal

Happy new year everyone! I know, I know, I’ve kind of disapeared for a while, but I’m back now and ready to start the new year off running.

Today, was the first day back to boot camp of the new year and I am so ready to get back to the almost athlete I was before my injury. No more complaining aches and pains just hard work and dedication from now on.  Ready to join me? Here we go:

This is what I weighed in at on New Years day, 264.2 pounds. Yes, I have to say that’s my biggest weigh it yet. This is what I weighed in at today:

261.0  pounds which was confirmed when I came into work and had the dietitian weigh me again. So, that’s a loss of 3.2 pounds in my first week. I was able to acheive that by simply taking my lunch to work and not drinking alcohol during the week. I also started back on Weight Watchers today and have promised myself to stay within my points and track everything I eat. I am also going to drink lots of water and get plenty of rest. I’m eager to see what next week’s weigh in brings me with a whole week of boot camp under my belt.

Stay tuned for more results.

Good To Be Back Where I Belong

After eight long months, I finally made it back to boot camp today. As I was leaving the house this morning, Kristy stopped me and said one thing; “don’t be discouraged”. I tried to remember that while I was in route, but the truth is, I was completely terrified about going back. Not because I didn’t think I could do the workouts, I was terrified that everyone would see me in my current condition, and then, I would see the look of disappointment on their faces. I was ashamed and embarrassed of my appearance. How in the heck after all the work I did last year, allow myself to gain all my weight back plus some? The thought of starting from scratch again was depressing.

I pulled into the parking lot and sat there for a moment, took a few deep breaths and got out of the car. All my worries were quickly washed away when I walked over to sign in and everyone I knew cheered and came over to hug me. I was back where I belonged and it felt good. It was a great feeling to see all the vets show up who sometimes skip the first PT test just to welcome me back. It was an overwhelming welcome.

We started warming up with a few laps around the parking lot and then some stretching. With in a few short minutes, I was really sucking wind and had a hard time catching my breath. The muscles in my legs were knotting up and I was having difficulty even walking. Then came the PT Test and that’s where my anxiety really kicked in. I wasn’t worried about the push-ups, sit ups, or dips, I was really worried about the mile run. I wasn’t even sure I should even try it. I knew better than to even think I could sit out of that though.

Instructor Jan, or as most campers call her, Jay Hawk, shadowed me on my run. We took off and she never stopped talking to me. She wouldn’t allow me to go to that place in my head of self-doubt. She knew I was struggling, so she had me do a series of run walks and just kept talking. When we turned the last corner with about a quarter mile to go, I could see people at the corner waiting for me. As I got closer, I could hear my fellow campers cheering for me. When I got to the entrance to the school, there were more campers cheering, and then when I entered the parking lot, all the other campers were waiting for me doing cheers and dancing. Their cheers made the pain in my legs and the lack of air in my lungs unnoticeable and I finished stronger than I started. I crossed the line at 16 minutes and 19 seconds.

The rest of the PT test was about what I expected. Below are the results:
*Push-ups: 0
*Facilitated push-ups (on my knees): 19
*Sit-ups: 18
*Modified sit-ups (crunches): 0 didn’t need to J

Man, it’s good to be back where I belong.

Back to the Basics

Loaded with lots of anxiety, I walked out the door this morning at 5:30 AM and went to friend’s day at  Fit-Wit boot camp with my friend Tina. The reason for my anxiety came on many levels. First and foremost, this was my first real workout since my injury back in February and was scared that I might injure myself again. Secondly, I was going to a boot camp where I really didn’t know anyone and felt somewhat intimidated and ashamed because of my weight and fitness level. Last but not least, I felt like I was cheating on my friends at Operation Boot Camp.

As I suspected, I was totally at square one again. My lung capacity was really low. I felt like I was gasping for every breath. When we did the warm up run around the football field, I only made it two thirds of the way around before I had to stop and walk. Then, came the dips, I was only able to do three. Sit ups I wont even mention, and push-ups were all on my knees and my performance was pitiful. The only thing that I didn’t fall back on was the jump ropes and was able to do 36 in two minutes.

On the positive side, I was thrilled to be outside and working out again. It gave me a slight feel of accomplishment that I felt when I was working out on a regular basis. The people were very nice and very supportive. The trainers were aware of my past and one of the trainers shadowed me and offered alternates when things like the sprints were being done.

At the end of the workout, I felt the pride coming back that I got off my butt and did something. Yes, I am starting over. Sadly, I’ve gained all my weight back, plus a few pounds and all my clothes are tight and most of my old workout clothes, don’t even fit. It is very frustrating, but I have to do something. I am going totally in the wrong way. I have many goals I want to reach this coming year, so I guess this will be a good starting point.

Tell It To The Mountain

It’s 8:15 AM on a Sunday morning and Kristy and I set out for my first long ride since my injury. Our goal was to meet up with friends, Deena and Noelle and ride 7 miles towards the Stone Mountain and back. We met up at the car wash about 3 miles from the house. Once together, we set out for our ride.

At first, everything felt like old times, but that quickly changed. After the first few minutes, I found myself having a difficulty keeping up with the group and the further we went, the further behind I fell. I would catch up with everyone when we got to intersections, but soon after take off, I started falling behind again. Frustrated, I tried hard to keep up, but could not. Tears started falling from my eyes. It wasn’t like old times and just like everything else, I was starting over again.

After about 5 minutes of self pity, I thought back about a post I wrote last week about remembering to experience everything rather than just rushing through and chalking up another accomplishment. I then wiped the tears from my eyes, put my ear buds in my ears and starting listening to some music while I rode. The difference was immediate. Instead of keeping my head down and focus on my riding, I started looking around at my surroundings. I greeted people I passed, looked at the different homes along the way and before I knew it, my mood had lifted and I started having fun. I was still not even close to catching up with everyone, but they sometimes hung back with me to chat and then went on and I would meet them at the next stop.

By the time we got to the halfway point, I was not ready to stop. I wanted to keep going, so we decided to ride to the Village, an additional 2 or so miles. Before I knew it, we were in the Village of Stone Mountain and the Mountain was about a mile or so away. Being so close, I could not resist and insisted on going the entire distance. When we got to the mountain, I was all smiles. This was the first time since my injury that I felt like life was getting back to normal.

After a small break, we started heading back home. All was well until I hit the halfway point home. I could feel the fatigue building up in my legs and about a mile from the house, It took everything in my just to keep my feet moving. I just kept repeating a quote I read in the book The Way of the Peaceful Warrior; “You can quite as many time you want just keep moving.” That’s what I did and I made it home feeling a level of exhaustion I’ve never felt before, but it sure felt good.

Finding Different Stress Relievers

As a practice administrator in a very busy medical practice with two locations, I have become accustomed to working in a highly stressful work environment. Back before my injury, I used exercise as a major stress reliever; in fact, I can honestly say that joining boot camp probably saved me from loosing my mind. Since my injury, and with the implementation of electronic medical records, the amount of stress I deal with on an average day has increased remarkably. Because I am limited to what I can do physically, I am not yet to the point where my activity level really helps with my stress; granted, the few things I am able to do such as walking and some riding, has definitely helped with mood, I am still struggling to find a way to help with my stress level.

Since starting back on Weight Watchers, it has become clear to me how I have handled stress since my injury. Food and alcohol have been my stress relievers. Over the past few months, after a long day at the office, I have been coming home and heading straight for the refrigerator and grabbing a beer and because of the long hours Kristy and I are both working, we have relied on dining out for our meals. Now that I am on Weight Watchers and am counting every point I put in my mouth, I have decided not to drink alcohol during the week and limited amounts on the weekends and to eat as many meals in the home as possible; however, if we do choose to go out, we try to eat someplace we can make healthy choices.

Since I cannot rely on fitness as a complete stress reliever, I find myself in quite a predicament. Now, when I come home, I go to the refrigerator and just stare and at what I cannot have and find myself getting even more stressed out. I have to find away to relieve stress without turning to food. The one thing I did do was go to my doctor and asked to be put on something temporarily to help me with my anxiety and stress. This is not a long term solution, but at this point, I'll take what I can get.

Hopefully, I'll get to a point soon that I can spend a little more time on my bike and possibly start going to the gym. I know what works, I am just not yet healthy enough to take advantage of it yet.

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