Short Fat Girl

The transformation of a short fat girl

Month – July 2012

Tell It To The Mountain

It’s 8:15 AM on a Sunday morning and Kristy and I set out for my first long ride since my injury. Our goal was to meet up with friends, Deena and Noelle and ride 7 miles towards the Stone Mountain and back. We met up at the car wash about 3 miles from the house. Once together, we set out for our ride.

At first, everything felt like old times, but that quickly changed. After the first few minutes, I found myself having a difficulty keeping up with the group and the further we went, the further behind I fell. I would catch up with everyone when we got to intersections, but soon after take off, I started falling behind again. Frustrated, I tried hard to keep up, but could not. Tears started falling from my eyes. It wasn’t like old times and just like everything else, I was starting over again.

After about 5 minutes of self pity, I thought back about a post I wrote last week about remembering to experience everything rather than just rushing through and chalking up another accomplishment. I then wiped the tears from my eyes, put my ear buds in my ears and starting listening to some music while I rode. The difference was immediate. Instead of keeping my head down and focus on my riding, I started looking around at my surroundings. I greeted people I passed, looked at the different homes along the way and before I knew it, my mood had lifted and I started having fun. I was still not even close to catching up with everyone, but they sometimes hung back with me to chat and then went on and I would meet them at the next stop.

By the time we got to the halfway point, I was not ready to stop. I wanted to keep going, so we decided to ride to the Village, an additional 2 or so miles. Before I knew it, we were in the Village of Stone Mountain and the Mountain was about a mile or so away. Being so close, I could not resist and insisted on going the entire distance. When we got to the mountain, I was all smiles. This was the first time since my injury that I felt like life was getting back to normal.

After a small break, we started heading back home. All was well until I hit the halfway point home. I could feel the fatigue building up in my legs and about a mile from the house, It took everything in my just to keep my feet moving. I just kept repeating a quote I read in the book The Way of the Peaceful Warrior; “You can quite as many time you want just keep moving.” That’s what I did and I made it home feeling a level of exhaustion I’ve never felt before, but it sure felt good.

Finding Different Stress Relievers

As a practice administrator in a very busy medical practice with two locations, I have become accustomed to working in a highly stressful work environment. Back before my injury, I used exercise as a major stress reliever; in fact, I can honestly say that joining boot camp probably saved me from loosing my mind. Since my injury, and with the implementation of electronic medical records, the amount of stress I deal with on an average day has increased remarkably. Because I am limited to what I can do physically, I am not yet to the point where my activity level really helps with my stress; granted, the few things I am able to do such as walking and some riding, has definitely helped with mood, I am still struggling to find a way to help with my stress level.

Since starting back on Weight Watchers, it has become clear to me how I have handled stress since my injury. Food and alcohol have been my stress relievers. Over the past few months, after a long day at the office, I have been coming home and heading straight for the refrigerator and grabbing a beer and because of the long hours Kristy and I are both working, we have relied on dining out for our meals. Now that I am on Weight Watchers and am counting every point I put in my mouth, I have decided not to drink alcohol during the week and limited amounts on the weekends and to eat as many meals in the home as possible; however, if we do choose to go out, we try to eat someplace we can make healthy choices.

Since I cannot rely on fitness as a complete stress reliever, I find myself in quite a predicament. Now, when I come home, I go to the refrigerator and just stare and at what I cannot have and find myself getting even more stressed out. I have to find away to relieve stress without turning to food. The one thing I did do was go to my doctor and asked to be put on something temporarily to help me with my anxiety and stress. This is not a long term solution, but at this point, I'll take what I can get.

Hopefully, I'll get to a point soon that I can spend a little more time on my bike and possibly start going to the gym. I know what works, I am just not yet healthy enough to take advantage of it yet.

Believe It or Not

I’m seeing things differently today. Today, I have an entirely different outlook on what lies ahead. Partially, I think, is due to the fact that I experienced not only what I am capable of achieving, but how quickly it can all be taken away as well. Moreover, I have learned, the hard way, the consequences of not staying focused on my goals.

While sitting at my desk, my mind continually wanders to what my future may hold as I start my journey again. Before, I had goals of running races, competing in triathlons, and long bike rides with my friends. And even though I accomplished these goals, I never really took the time experienced them. I was so focused on adding these accomplishments to my list and bragging to everyone about them, I never too the time to appreciate what what I was doing and how it felt. This time, I’m going to pay attention to what I’m doing and try to write about the experience rather than the accomplishment.

Believe it or not, I’m excited about starting over and getting it right this time.

Thank you Del and Mare for this picture. A day hasn’t gone by where I missed looking at it and said: “Your damn right!!!”

 

Before and After and After

Normally, a blog about a person’s weight loss journey would have these pictures reversed, but not in this case. The first picture is me several years ago at a starting weight of 258.8 pounds. The second picture is from this time last year weighing in around 225 pounds the last picture was taken this past weekend. What happened you ask? Well take a look at the picture below. What you are looking at is my hamstring that ripped off my pelvis and put a dead stop to my fitness journey.
Today, marks the 5 month anniversary of my accident where I ruptured my hamstring doing sprints at boot camp.
The picture of me with the my bike is what happens when you totally give up on yourself. I’m not going to even try and come up with any excuses here. I could lay down this story about how I tried to fight the big fight, but lost because I couldn’t exercise anymore, but the real truth is, I just quit caring. I’ve thrown up my hands and just gave up.
These past 5 months were only hard on me physically but emotionally and mentally too. Not only was I taken away from my fellow boot campers who pushed me hard and made me believe that I could do anything I put my mind to, the stress of job increased dramatically and with no exercise to help relive that stress, picture number 3 is the result of not caring.
Today, I went to the doctor for my annual exam and to go over my labs that I had drawn the last week and the results were not good. To begin with, I weighed in at a whopping 252 pounds; additionally, my cholesterol level was dangerously high at 255 and my blood pressure measured in at 150/100. To make matters even worse, she wants to start me on cholesterol medicine. In five months, I went from a women in the best shape of her life, to a women in the worse shape of her life.
All I can say now is: Here we go again. Since I’m not dead yet and really don’t want to end up that way anytime soon, I guess I have no choice but to start over from scratch. I did it once, I can do it again. Besides, with Kristy at my side, I know, I’ll have all the support I will need. So, I’m gonna change some things up on this site and my Facebook page as well and do a complete do over.
Wish me luck

 

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